Until then

I'll have to decide if I'll be convincing to the doctors, that I DO celebrate life. That I wouldn't sacrifice it ever, in anyone, but extending it for more suffering...not sure I can do that one. Love pretending its as simple as deciding, that I'm not imagining the actual truth that I'm not even sure I can handle it.

Me, unsure I can handle it.

So, it's Saturday

In case nobody but me noticed. Exactly the day to pamper yourself, to think only of you, and deserve everything you need. Play your guitar even, if that's something you do. No song-writing however, a job that pays pennies to sissies. Don't become one of those losers.

Just play, and think, and don't sing either. Save it for when you're in a really good mood. Plus the tears on your guitar, you know. Could damage the wood.

A Time for Everything

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Befriending dragons

It was either this, or finding the adjectives to describe what a time-warped day feels like, unbelievably draining. Exhausting is how I've come to refer to it, as I search heart and soul for that opening, I can never seem to pinpoint it. I only know it's there, and that the rigorous journey aimed toward it is worth it. It had better be.

Never before have I struggled so hard just to see. While at other times, my vision's surprisingly exact, so precise it's amazing. It's moments like these where I just have to have patience until reliance returns...reliance on what, you may ask? Or maybe you wouldn't if the day's feeling unsettling or silent. Or brooding.

It's a peaceful recognition that we can't always control our circumstance. Yet a keen eye will notice that even that's part of some divine plan's doing. Maybe one person wonders how on earth they became a real live marionette, or has yet to understand through lack of being a parent, that there's nothing more sustainable and important in life, than good leadership. Well, at least on this planet.

Even the celebrity, and I was starting to question that. I mean seriously, a three million dollar gown on some carpet helps exactly who? And the souls they infect with this wanting, this mysteriously born ailment of "I want to be you". To imagine life without it, in that moment, it felt so socialistic. It's what came to mind, the necessity of art, of larger-than-life dreaming, what all those icons keep meaning.

It's a healthy track our current society's on, of exposing the voices behind all that preening. Rachel Zoe herself cleared up so much, and Jennifer Garner with her "no, she must have plum" exposing. Hate to be all gluttonous about what our culture's viewing, but those VMAs were some of the best "artists unite" I've seen brewing.

Everyone should be proud to be so clear in their uniting. If only Britain's best band's first American showing had beat out Kanye's quest. The upscale mission, it's mind-blowing.

Yawn.

If I'd known stress would be this interesting I'd have married it a long time ago. Predictable mornings are one thing (love my 6am wake up calls), but three hours of afterschool homework EVERY DAY... how I do it with a smile, I'll never know.

It's no exaggeration to say I haven't had a bad day in about five years. Made that choice for myself, and stuck to it like always. But kinks in my step are sometimes just what I need to focus on, doesn't suit everyone. Oh well for losers.

Hmm, now what, now where, now how.

Star of the Playground

I make many, many friends very, very easily. Were you to camp out across from the school, in that dingy little apartment complex nobody should live in, and spy on my boldness, you'd love me. Then you'd see with your very own eyes what a whirlwind romance I take life to be, yes all of it.

Just thought you should know.