...is that I was really looking forward to Christmas. I really thought one trip to the healing room would add possibility, not make my lungs burn, and unable to participate in any form of generative community. And Cooper used to be all mine, now he's just His.
This last month was going to be as well-lived as all my others, and suddenly I'm as below-average as any scoundrel worthy of the ill-will wished upon her. Not even revenge left in these bones, only apathy. All meant to be, I'd have to ultimately guess.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Morning revelation
Apparently, I have major gifts. Round-the-clock prayer warriors are on my trail, wonder what in the heck these gifts could possibly be. I'm a pretty fast typer, maybe that's it. I definitely don't have emotions of steel...a ridiculous set of first hiccups sent me wailing into the lonely night. Cooper's preparing his lungs for delivery, isn't that special?
Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup...he thundered in utero. I'm going crazy, that's the honest truth. Everyone around me is so eager for my "testimony", it's going to be a CREATIVE miracle we've agreed. A NEW heart is the possibility God will provide, as Cooper's His son, not mine.
I spent until yesterday convinced, because why not, really. Until the inevitable wake-up call supplied by my SIL, "you should bring a carseat to the hospital," she said, then regretted it. Must have been the crack in my social grace face that made my faith hesitate once again.
No, no...I always say right away. I just want to stay in the moment, don't want to control anything by planning ahead. God's will, remember? Uh oh, God said.
I hate to correct God's word choices, but it was UGH, I'd have preferred. Just a simple, "ugh, I totally get you girl." He didn't supply that, but didn't go so far as to say "stay in denial, maybe you'll wake up all on your own. Again"
Love it most when God leaves everything up to me, like a fun little search that puts pieces together, such glee. God's not my friend, I'm starting to see.
Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup...he thundered in utero. I'm going crazy, that's the honest truth. Everyone around me is so eager for my "testimony", it's going to be a CREATIVE miracle we've agreed. A NEW heart is the possibility God will provide, as Cooper's His son, not mine.
I spent until yesterday convinced, because why not, really. Until the inevitable wake-up call supplied by my SIL, "you should bring a carseat to the hospital," she said, then regretted it. Must have been the crack in my social grace face that made my faith hesitate once again.
No, no...I always say right away. I just want to stay in the moment, don't want to control anything by planning ahead. God's will, remember? Uh oh, God said.
I hate to correct God's word choices, but it was UGH, I'd have preferred. Just a simple, "ugh, I totally get you girl." He didn't supply that, but didn't go so far as to say "stay in denial, maybe you'll wake up all on your own. Again"
Love it most when God leaves everything up to me, like a fun little search that puts pieces together, such glee. God's not my friend, I'm starting to see.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Everyone enjoying their coffee?
Mine won't arrive for an hour or two. I can wait though, no hurry today at all...just random thoughts musing through my brain, and the freedom to report on it, or not. At will.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Duets
My husband and I are probably atypical in that we're not the sort to compile the commonly-acceptable "celebrities I'd allow to paint my nails, if given the chance" list. I, for one, eschew nail polish for the mere sake of it being oxygen-robbing. Nails are meant to breathe, period.
It's much like wearing foundation, blush, and lipstick as a mask, instead of as a subtle compliment. People come to depend on unnatural coloring at the expense of what blood flow intended. They don't work as hard to live as authentic flesh and blood, and once the cake and paste are removed...ghostly paleness.
I have no doubt in the world that Scarlett Johansson looks as beautiful with her make-up off, as she does with it on, that's not the question. And if Pete Yorn wears make-up at all, I'd be quite surprised. But it was ME who sat up every morning watching their video and thinking they were the perfectly matched voices all those sleepless nights urged them to be.
My husband bought the CD at Starbucks without even having seen it though. Does that mean he'd put Scarlett's ten nails, I mean twenty, before me?
It's much like wearing foundation, blush, and lipstick as a mask, instead of as a subtle compliment. People come to depend on unnatural coloring at the expense of what blood flow intended. They don't work as hard to live as authentic flesh and blood, and once the cake and paste are removed...ghostly paleness.
I have no doubt in the world that Scarlett Johansson looks as beautiful with her make-up off, as she does with it on, that's not the question. And if Pete Yorn wears make-up at all, I'd be quite surprised. But it was ME who sat up every morning watching their video and thinking they were the perfectly matched voices all those sleepless nights urged them to be.
My husband bought the CD at Starbucks without even having seen it though. Does that mean he'd put Scarlett's ten nails, I mean twenty, before me?
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