...is that I was really looking forward to Christmas. I really thought one trip to the healing room would add possibility, not make my lungs burn, and unable to participate in any form of generative community. And Cooper used to be all mine, now he's just His.
This last month was going to be as well-lived as all my others, and suddenly I'm as below-average as any scoundrel worthy of the ill-will wished upon her. Not even revenge left in these bones, only apathy. All meant to be, I'd have to ultimately guess.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Morning revelation
Apparently, I have major gifts. Round-the-clock prayer warriors are on my trail, wonder what in the heck these gifts could possibly be. I'm a pretty fast typer, maybe that's it. I definitely don't have emotions of steel...a ridiculous set of first hiccups sent me wailing into the lonely night. Cooper's preparing his lungs for delivery, isn't that special?
Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup...he thundered in utero. I'm going crazy, that's the honest truth. Everyone around me is so eager for my "testimony", it's going to be a CREATIVE miracle we've agreed. A NEW heart is the possibility God will provide, as Cooper's His son, not mine.
I spent until yesterday convinced, because why not, really. Until the inevitable wake-up call supplied by my SIL, "you should bring a carseat to the hospital," she said, then regretted it. Must have been the crack in my social grace face that made my faith hesitate once again.
No, no...I always say right away. I just want to stay in the moment, don't want to control anything by planning ahead. God's will, remember? Uh oh, God said.
I hate to correct God's word choices, but it was UGH, I'd have preferred. Just a simple, "ugh, I totally get you girl." He didn't supply that, but didn't go so far as to say "stay in denial, maybe you'll wake up all on your own. Again"
Love it most when God leaves everything up to me, like a fun little search that puts pieces together, such glee. God's not my friend, I'm starting to see.
Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup...he thundered in utero. I'm going crazy, that's the honest truth. Everyone around me is so eager for my "testimony", it's going to be a CREATIVE miracle we've agreed. A NEW heart is the possibility God will provide, as Cooper's His son, not mine.
I spent until yesterday convinced, because why not, really. Until the inevitable wake-up call supplied by my SIL, "you should bring a carseat to the hospital," she said, then regretted it. Must have been the crack in my social grace face that made my faith hesitate once again.
No, no...I always say right away. I just want to stay in the moment, don't want to control anything by planning ahead. God's will, remember? Uh oh, God said.
I hate to correct God's word choices, but it was UGH, I'd have preferred. Just a simple, "ugh, I totally get you girl." He didn't supply that, but didn't go so far as to say "stay in denial, maybe you'll wake up all on your own. Again"
Love it most when God leaves everything up to me, like a fun little search that puts pieces together, such glee. God's not my friend, I'm starting to see.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Everyone enjoying their coffee?
Mine won't arrive for an hour or two. I can wait though, no hurry today at all...just random thoughts musing through my brain, and the freedom to report on it, or not. At will.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Duets
My husband and I are probably atypical in that we're not the sort to compile the commonly-acceptable "celebrities I'd allow to paint my nails, if given the chance" list. I, for one, eschew nail polish for the mere sake of it being oxygen-robbing. Nails are meant to breathe, period.
It's much like wearing foundation, blush, and lipstick as a mask, instead of as a subtle compliment. People come to depend on unnatural coloring at the expense of what blood flow intended. They don't work as hard to live as authentic flesh and blood, and once the cake and paste are removed...ghostly paleness.
I have no doubt in the world that Scarlett Johansson looks as beautiful with her make-up off, as she does with it on, that's not the question. And if Pete Yorn wears make-up at all, I'd be quite surprised. But it was ME who sat up every morning watching their video and thinking they were the perfectly matched voices all those sleepless nights urged them to be.
My husband bought the CD at Starbucks without even having seen it though. Does that mean he'd put Scarlett's ten nails, I mean twenty, before me?
It's much like wearing foundation, blush, and lipstick as a mask, instead of as a subtle compliment. People come to depend on unnatural coloring at the expense of what blood flow intended. They don't work as hard to live as authentic flesh and blood, and once the cake and paste are removed...ghostly paleness.
I have no doubt in the world that Scarlett Johansson looks as beautiful with her make-up off, as she does with it on, that's not the question. And if Pete Yorn wears make-up at all, I'd be quite surprised. But it was ME who sat up every morning watching their video and thinking they were the perfectly matched voices all those sleepless nights urged them to be.
My husband bought the CD at Starbucks without even having seen it though. Does that mean he'd put Scarlett's ten nails, I mean twenty, before me?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Perhaps it's revenge
Because men obviously don't hate their mothers, who love unconditionally. Imagine those deathbeds, when each male realizes the religion they boasted, missed opportunities for compassion in relating. Where listening to God's messengers, moved through pure heartstrings, never quite added up to enough.
Oh how their wives could have loved them. It was heroic men with rational eyes that we needed, not the default setting. God no, not the default setting.
That's all.
Oh how their wives could have loved them. It was heroic men with rational eyes that we needed, not the default setting. God no, not the default setting.
That's all.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Lightning round
All education, light and life convenient extras. As I rephilosophize my new life direction, able to inhale and exhale all the oxygen I encounter, you'd be surprised how swiftly change takes place. My house and its crevices are all the evidence I need.
For awhile there, I was just blaming elves for the accumulating dust, every standard I ever upheld magically replaced by tolerance of disorder and worse, filth. Not feng shui, nor the change of real seasons, could lure me back into sane.
Losing my magical powers was the last straw, no loving God just "allows" in the presence of truth. Or so she says...when really, she just wants to brag about how she's cleaning her house. Totally going to get the Swiffers out on Monday, for sure.
Presently, it's just zip speed pace at folding laundry, conquering corners I hadn't wanted to admit existed, and the basement. Gonna whip my whole being back into shape, as reflected in my environment's not so subtle cues.
For awhile there, I was just blaming elves for the accumulating dust, every standard I ever upheld magically replaced by tolerance of disorder and worse, filth. Not feng shui, nor the change of real seasons, could lure me back into sane.
Losing my magical powers was the last straw, no loving God just "allows" in the presence of truth. Or so she says...when really, she just wants to brag about how she's cleaning her house. Totally going to get the Swiffers out on Monday, for sure.
Presently, it's just zip speed pace at folding laundry, conquering corners I hadn't wanted to admit existed, and the basement. Gonna whip my whole being back into shape, as reflected in my environment's not so subtle cues.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Speaking of Catholics
Jen's throwing a birthday party for Noella tonight, bring costumes she said. Afterwards she'll be cooking us all dinner, Jen's my best friend. I've mentioned her before, yes, I know I have. It's as funny as ironic, how my friendships work. All have perfectly respectable timing.
Take "breaking the news" to them all, which was inevitable eventually, no matter how long I put it off. Sure, I experienced it myself first, and then comfortably blogged about it, but it took me a good number of weeks before I could actually call my Dad. He hates when I'm hurting.
It went well though, spent our usual conversation believing in each other, seeing the sunny-side of life (totally where I got it), and deciding that as long as we all had each other, nothing was actually really all that bad. It never is when I'm talking to my Dad.
Within ONE DAY after that, I bump into three favorite friends in a row, due to perfectly unplanned, au natural (never forced) plain circumstance. First, surprisingly, was Cindy, not Jen. Cindy's about a decade ahead, a homeschooler too, and the only person who ever advocated for my point of view when the Evangelical homeschoolers decided I had no place in leadership in our group. Fuck you, I should've said.
But, I didn't. I surrendered my will, was grateful for what I had, basically, I was obedient. Better at it than any of THOSE Christian women, I might've said were I more arrogant (I'm actually not). Cindy got mad for me, and then I followed suit. We were MAD!!!
Soon after I put my kids into the school system, after realizing how pathetic bombastic women are at debating. Ha! Their bad. Then Trina stopped by my house, unexpectedly...some unfinished 4-H business we had. Shared the whole story, brought her to tears (of course) and was so glad to have finally gotten it all out, thanks to my Classical Homeschooling expert, master of all the materials friend. And, she's Canadian.
Lastly was Jen. I didn't want to have to tell my sympathetic Catholic friend. I'd cry, she'd cry, we'd keep crying and crying, it would never ever end. Without a single plan, just an instinct in a moment she stopped by. And I, soaking my troubles away in yet another unfair bath, I could barely consider even telling her. Boy did I sob when I cried.
Felt better after that, and then.
Take "breaking the news" to them all, which was inevitable eventually, no matter how long I put it off. Sure, I experienced it myself first, and then comfortably blogged about it, but it took me a good number of weeks before I could actually call my Dad. He hates when I'm hurting.
It went well though, spent our usual conversation believing in each other, seeing the sunny-side of life (totally where I got it), and deciding that as long as we all had each other, nothing was actually really all that bad. It never is when I'm talking to my Dad.
Within ONE DAY after that, I bump into three favorite friends in a row, due to perfectly unplanned, au natural (never forced) plain circumstance. First, surprisingly, was Cindy, not Jen. Cindy's about a decade ahead, a homeschooler too, and the only person who ever advocated for my point of view when the Evangelical homeschoolers decided I had no place in leadership in our group. Fuck you, I should've said.
But, I didn't. I surrendered my will, was grateful for what I had, basically, I was obedient. Better at it than any of THOSE Christian women, I might've said were I more arrogant (I'm actually not). Cindy got mad for me, and then I followed suit. We were MAD!!!
Soon after I put my kids into the school system, after realizing how pathetic bombastic women are at debating. Ha! Their bad. Then Trina stopped by my house, unexpectedly...some unfinished 4-H business we had. Shared the whole story, brought her to tears (of course) and was so glad to have finally gotten it all out, thanks to my Classical Homeschooling expert, master of all the materials friend. And, she's Canadian.
Lastly was Jen. I didn't want to have to tell my sympathetic Catholic friend. I'd cry, she'd cry, we'd keep crying and crying, it would never ever end. Without a single plan, just an instinct in a moment she stopped by. And I, soaking my troubles away in yet another unfair bath, I could barely consider even telling her. Boy did I sob when I cried.
Felt better after that, and then.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Only one-hour of free speech
Available next year at my local library. And here I was so set in my boots to destroy the East Grand Forks library's reputation where illogical computer usage is concerned. Hitler's glare alone kept me from attending that rat hole back in, lemme think freely here...August.
The heavy just informed me, as I witnessed one of those spectacles I would never otherwise participate in...kicking someone off a computer (because THERE'S NOT ENOUGH to go around). He'd been warned time and time again, and NOT LISTENED!!!
A "special" program will be installed (licking their lips and waiting impatiently for it, she might add on behalf of all the others). An hour time limit FOR EVERYONE who dares enter, and no my friendly tax payer, there will be no option to check back in on one. Uh oh.
But I can't afford the risk of owning a computer in my own home! And I'd never cramp my fingers on one of THOSE devices, ever. Guess I'll just have to project everything into my mind, and then back on to paper. Bummer!
The heavy just informed me, as I witnessed one of those spectacles I would never otherwise participate in...kicking someone off a computer (because THERE'S NOT ENOUGH to go around). He'd been warned time and time again, and NOT LISTENED!!!
A "special" program will be installed (licking their lips and waiting impatiently for it, she might add on behalf of all the others). An hour time limit FOR EVERYONE who dares enter, and no my friendly tax payer, there will be no option to check back in on one. Uh oh.
But I can't afford the risk of owning a computer in my own home! And I'd never cramp my fingers on one of THOSE devices, ever. Guess I'll just have to project everything into my mind, and then back on to paper. Bummer!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Lovelier than average weekend
And on into the morning, you know. Met the most amazing Pakistani doctor this AM, such a sense of humor, and always educational. I just learn, and learn, and learn...wherever I go. This time, basic Indian wisdom exchanged, no, not too much mentioned about actual humors. Love those though.
Illiteracy rates, caste systems, and payment with chickens...yup, that's how my life goes. Should probably mention too that half my kids are STILL sick, all the fault of that dang truth school. Two months straight of this, that, or the other, wipes us all out regularly, but I never hash that out.
Not on here, not in my precious space, because that would be wrong. Who wants to hear about it anyway, might taint someone's fragile existence, and so my instinct just naturally says, "whoa". Kind of a tendency I might even have, probably more sanguine than melancholic, and definitely not phlegmatic or choleric, I'm just not that way, so.
Anyone really think Jon Stewart studied Greek, or medicine anyway? Um, no.
Illiteracy rates, caste systems, and payment with chickens...yup, that's how my life goes. Should probably mention too that half my kids are STILL sick, all the fault of that dang truth school. Two months straight of this, that, or the other, wipes us all out regularly, but I never hash that out.
Not on here, not in my precious space, because that would be wrong. Who wants to hear about it anyway, might taint someone's fragile existence, and so my instinct just naturally says, "whoa". Kind of a tendency I might even have, probably more sanguine than melancholic, and definitely not phlegmatic or choleric, I'm just not that way, so.
Anyone really think Jon Stewart studied Greek, or medicine anyway? Um, no.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Butterfly Logic
Oh believe me, I know transformation, and I know illusions of power, and I know how some people don't have enough integrity in their own selves to lower themselves to the common ranks, for absolute fear of losing the right to home ownership with seven plus bathrooms (and showers).
You should see my cute, sweet, close-knit little family as we live within our means. One bathroom, for seven people, though probably with a little more stress and alot of credit, we could "achieve" more. Maybe if we wore the right boots, or knew Tom Hanks through family, or relied for just a moment upon Clooney and Soderbergh.
I do love Nespresso, I now respect porn stars. If only the free press permitted a little downhome shuffle between the frau frau, and the little people...on Huffington, of course.
You should see my cute, sweet, close-knit little family as we live within our means. One bathroom, for seven people, though probably with a little more stress and alot of credit, we could "achieve" more. Maybe if we wore the right boots, or knew Tom Hanks through family, or relied for just a moment upon Clooney and Soderbergh.
I do love Nespresso, I now respect porn stars. If only the free press permitted a little downhome shuffle between the frau frau, and the little people...on Huffington, of course.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Au Natural
That was painful. Back to free thinking, yo? Or no. Well, of course, all my free thinking is of the clarifying sort, where tap dancing horses actually equate Justin Timberlake, and the whole grain, Ms. Cameron.
Not sure what my strange obsession is with this girl, until I saw The Holiday, I never really liked her. Too cute I'd guess, and for sure the best smiler. Must have been balanced some how by Titanic, though I still can't stand Jude Law. Too charming.
Perhaps it was the whole "I'm in love with you, but engaged in front of your face to another" that set them all free from my castrating glare. Except for Jude Law, again, too phony. But Timberlake, I just don't get the guy, and what keeps him from settling down properly.
Likely, a bunch of typical Hollywood excuses about the damaging limelight, and all that dang traveling. But a surfer girl, with that free spirit and hot body? Who broke my heart in absolute two with the whole "so what, SHE'S your girlfriend?" bugaloo?
Made me totally forget about Britney, for sure. Moms deserve their comebacks, don't get me wrong...and nothing more romantic to picture than the pedestal being restored with a final "I get you now". Probably too messy in the end.
Not sure what my strange obsession is with this girl, until I saw The Holiday, I never really liked her. Too cute I'd guess, and for sure the best smiler. Must have been balanced some how by Titanic, though I still can't stand Jude Law. Too charming.
Perhaps it was the whole "I'm in love with you, but engaged in front of your face to another" that set them all free from my castrating glare. Except for Jude Law, again, too phony. But Timberlake, I just don't get the guy, and what keeps him from settling down properly.
Likely, a bunch of typical Hollywood excuses about the damaging limelight, and all that dang traveling. But a surfer girl, with that free spirit and hot body? Who broke my heart in absolute two with the whole "so what, SHE'S your girlfriend?" bugaloo?
Made me totally forget about Britney, for sure. Moms deserve their comebacks, don't get me wrong...and nothing more romantic to picture than the pedestal being restored with a final "I get you now". Probably too messy in the end.
Monday, October 26, 2009
I'm marrying my maternity overalls
You fatties know how it is, had all the luck in the world this time...managed to stay squeezed into my size 6 stretch Levis until, well, today. And then, mercy, I'm finally committing to the expandable waistband, and I'm free.
It's only because of Old Navy that this week gets to be dedicated to love and Halloween. Well, it would have been anyway, being the Witch's New Year and all. It's how I stay two months ahead of the curve, couldn't do it without satan, who's lovely.
And that's all I'm going to say.
It's only because of Old Navy that this week gets to be dedicated to love and Halloween. Well, it would have been anyway, being the Witch's New Year and all. It's how I stay two months ahead of the curve, couldn't do it without satan, who's lovely.
And that's all I'm going to say.
Friday, October 16, 2009
A professional moderator or...
maybe I'll just determine the direction of our country for the next 30 years, or forty...and teach men to be more civilized in public discussion, and um, get Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh more airtime than any breasts McCain could fashion for a one-time only viewing.
Nice move, babe! Totally retro. I remember the first time I wore a low cut blouse, fine, it was maternity wear from Target, with ruffles AND denim. Just a couple weeks back, and I, like you Meghan, could not believe the world that opened up before me.
Suddenly, women everywhere were also sporting cleave-love, and unapologetically! Inspired me to be the writer I am today. Of course, I felt like a newbie. A flat-chested one at that, I'll admit I favor pregnancy for specifically that reason. C'mon, you know you do it too.
But what I found was, that 3-4 ladies out of the average, oh, I don't know, however many were surrounding me at the time...they knew what I was going through because THEY HAD GONE THROUGH IT TOO! And it didn't stop them from forcing America to avoid staring, what power.
Isn't womanhood a miracle?
Love ya !!! Jess
Nice move, babe! Totally retro. I remember the first time I wore a low cut blouse, fine, it was maternity wear from Target, with ruffles AND denim. Just a couple weeks back, and I, like you Meghan, could not believe the world that opened up before me.
Suddenly, women everywhere were also sporting cleave-love, and unapologetically! Inspired me to be the writer I am today. Of course, I felt like a newbie. A flat-chested one at that, I'll admit I favor pregnancy for specifically that reason. C'mon, you know you do it too.
But what I found was, that 3-4 ladies out of the average, oh, I don't know, however many were surrounding me at the time...they knew what I was going through because THEY HAD GONE THROUGH IT TOO! And it didn't stop them from forcing America to avoid staring, what power.
Isn't womanhood a miracle?
Love ya !!! Jess
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Inequality
I'm not exactly a sex slave, serving 40 filthy men a day...but somewhere in between there, and Drew Barrymore, celebrating her current goal in life, which is to do everything that scares her. You mean everything, Drew "even a Cover Girl" Barrymore?
I suppose I should know what I'm talking about when I ask that, instead of just throwing it out there. It's at the top of my list though, besides Kanye and Letterman. So, being a lady like she is, I thought I'd just begin there.
So what's it like, after all those years of struggling to accept the name you've been given, to find the courage to face all those parts of yourself you could never just naturally believe in. So hard.
Avoiding real life to engage with your characters, I couldn't imagine even for an instance, wouldn't want to. All those buffers in place to keep you comfy and protected, so you can perfect your work. How sincere, and I mean that.
I suppose I should know what I'm talking about when I ask that, instead of just throwing it out there. It's at the top of my list though, besides Kanye and Letterman. So, being a lady like she is, I thought I'd just begin there.
So what's it like, after all those years of struggling to accept the name you've been given, to find the courage to face all those parts of yourself you could never just naturally believe in. So hard.
Avoiding real life to engage with your characters, I couldn't imagine even for an instance, wouldn't want to. All those buffers in place to keep you comfy and protected, so you can perfect your work. How sincere, and I mean that.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Until then
I'll have to decide if I'll be convincing to the doctors, that I DO celebrate life. That I wouldn't sacrifice it ever, in anyone, but extending it for more suffering...not sure I can do that one. Love pretending its as simple as deciding, that I'm not imagining the actual truth that I'm not even sure I can handle it.
Me, unsure I can handle it.
Me, unsure I can handle it.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
So, it's Saturday
In case nobody but me noticed. Exactly the day to pamper yourself, to think only of you, and deserve everything you need. Play your guitar even, if that's something you do. No song-writing however, a job that pays pennies to sissies. Don't become one of those losers.
Just play, and think, and don't sing either. Save it for when you're in a really good mood. Plus the tears on your guitar, you know. Could damage the wood.
Just play, and think, and don't sing either. Save it for when you're in a really good mood. Plus the tears on your guitar, you know. Could damage the wood.
Friday, September 25, 2009
A Time for Everything
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Befriending dragons
It was either this, or finding the adjectives to describe what a time-warped day feels like, unbelievably draining. Exhausting is how I've come to refer to it, as I search heart and soul for that opening, I can never seem to pinpoint it. I only know it's there, and that the rigorous journey aimed toward it is worth it. It had better be.
Never before have I struggled so hard just to see. While at other times, my vision's surprisingly exact, so precise it's amazing. It's moments like these where I just have to have patience until reliance returns...reliance on what, you may ask? Or maybe you wouldn't if the day's feeling unsettling or silent. Or brooding.
It's a peaceful recognition that we can't always control our circumstance. Yet a keen eye will notice that even that's part of some divine plan's doing. Maybe one person wonders how on earth they became a real live marionette, or has yet to understand through lack of being a parent, that there's nothing more sustainable and important in life, than good leadership. Well, at least on this planet.
Even the celebrity, and I was starting to question that. I mean seriously, a three million dollar gown on some carpet helps exactly who? And the souls they infect with this wanting, this mysteriously born ailment of "I want to be you". To imagine life without it, in that moment, it felt so socialistic. It's what came to mind, the necessity of art, of larger-than-life dreaming, what all those icons keep meaning.
It's a healthy track our current society's on, of exposing the voices behind all that preening. Rachel Zoe herself cleared up so much, and Jennifer Garner with her "no, she must have plum" exposing. Hate to be all gluttonous about what our culture's viewing, but those VMAs were some of the best "artists unite" I've seen brewing.
Everyone should be proud to be so clear in their uniting. If only Britain's best band's first American showing had beat out Kanye's quest. The upscale mission, it's mind-blowing.
Never before have I struggled so hard just to see. While at other times, my vision's surprisingly exact, so precise it's amazing. It's moments like these where I just have to have patience until reliance returns...reliance on what, you may ask? Or maybe you wouldn't if the day's feeling unsettling or silent. Or brooding.
It's a peaceful recognition that we can't always control our circumstance. Yet a keen eye will notice that even that's part of some divine plan's doing. Maybe one person wonders how on earth they became a real live marionette, or has yet to understand through lack of being a parent, that there's nothing more sustainable and important in life, than good leadership. Well, at least on this planet.
Even the celebrity, and I was starting to question that. I mean seriously, a three million dollar gown on some carpet helps exactly who? And the souls they infect with this wanting, this mysteriously born ailment of "I want to be you". To imagine life without it, in that moment, it felt so socialistic. It's what came to mind, the necessity of art, of larger-than-life dreaming, what all those icons keep meaning.
It's a healthy track our current society's on, of exposing the voices behind all that preening. Rachel Zoe herself cleared up so much, and Jennifer Garner with her "no, she must have plum" exposing. Hate to be all gluttonous about what our culture's viewing, but those VMAs were some of the best "artists unite" I've seen brewing.
Everyone should be proud to be so clear in their uniting. If only Britain's best band's first American showing had beat out Kanye's quest. The upscale mission, it's mind-blowing.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Yawn.
If I'd known stress would be this interesting I'd have married it a long time ago. Predictable mornings are one thing (love my 6am wake up calls), but three hours of afterschool homework EVERY DAY... how I do it with a smile, I'll never know.
It's no exaggeration to say I haven't had a bad day in about five years. Made that choice for myself, and stuck to it like always. But kinks in my step are sometimes just what I need to focus on, doesn't suit everyone. Oh well for losers.
Hmm, now what, now where, now how.
It's no exaggeration to say I haven't had a bad day in about five years. Made that choice for myself, and stuck to it like always. But kinks in my step are sometimes just what I need to focus on, doesn't suit everyone. Oh well for losers.
Hmm, now what, now where, now how.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Star of the Playground
I make many, many friends very, very easily. Were you to camp out across from the school, in that dingy little apartment complex nobody should live in, and spy on my boldness, you'd love me. Then you'd see with your very own eyes what a whirlwind romance I take life to be, yes all of it.
Just thought you should know.
Just thought you should know.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Can't even choose
All my blog colors simply don't satisfy these days, that's finally new. Not that I'll change them, in this listening/waiting meantime, they'll just have to do. There's something to be said for letting the colors be what they are, even if they refuse to match my mood. I'll adjust.
Only talking colors though, and wouldn't that be nice? If the reflections on the surface matched everything underneath, and made it true. When life is whole like that, it's called plain honest. The colors will change if/when they want to, but inevitably, as is nature, only some tend to.
Only talking colors though, and wouldn't that be nice? If the reflections on the surface matched everything underneath, and made it true. When life is whole like that, it's called plain honest. The colors will change if/when they want to, but inevitably, as is nature, only some tend to.
Friday, August 28, 2009
And the gentle landing we all adore
Hello, favorite blog in self-chosen colors. Not a rainbow on earth that could please me, I've seen all the wonders. A day at a time though, got these children to raise. Like little porcupines, you should see 'em, aw, the realm of impossibility, God love it!
So everyday, might as well just say it, I'm up before nine. 6 o'clock central time if you can actually believe it, and unlike most parents, that pleasure's all mine. Only so many perfect moments to make in a well-loved child's lifetime.
Lots of examples to set, you know, for the parents. The medication being passed around in the office, the zombie-like children, but good teachers (I mean that), lots of work I'm cut out for. Just today, convinced a kindergartner to invite her parents to lunch.
Told her I need more grown up friends, and I think that impressed her. Her Daddy's too busy working around the house, she said. But Daddies love to make time, especially when asked by a smiling little girl! And, an idea was born.
So everyday, might as well just say it, I'm up before nine. 6 o'clock central time if you can actually believe it, and unlike most parents, that pleasure's all mine. Only so many perfect moments to make in a well-loved child's lifetime.
Lots of examples to set, you know, for the parents. The medication being passed around in the office, the zombie-like children, but good teachers (I mean that), lots of work I'm cut out for. Just today, convinced a kindergartner to invite her parents to lunch.
Told her I need more grown up friends, and I think that impressed her. Her Daddy's too busy working around the house, she said. But Daddies love to make time, especially when asked by a smiling little girl! And, an idea was born.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Getting reacquainted
Oh boy, when you're in the system, you're in. Defines my life quite well thank you, orders my day, and what's this...free time? Like practically endless free time day after day, to spend however I endlessly feel driven or led? And you know me and my lack of free will, fully dependent on destiny for everything. Love that feeling!
Could you believe the only thing missing besides a tad more noise from happy, healthy children (library's quiet) is a hot Starbucks nearby. Not that I'd complain anyway, I'm no Kim Kardashian who never gets her needs met. Imagining her clothing bills alone makes me nauseous, plus the flowers she'd demand. Endless supplies of all the goods the working class must offer, for practically nothing.
Why compare apples to oranges anyway, some people might try, not sure why. Don't get me started though, on perfect starlets or even homeschooling, you. Everything's exactly how I love it, all aligned and perfect, one day at a time.
Could you believe the only thing missing besides a tad more noise from happy, healthy children (library's quiet) is a hot Starbucks nearby. Not that I'd complain anyway, I'm no Kim Kardashian who never gets her needs met. Imagining her clothing bills alone makes me nauseous, plus the flowers she'd demand. Endless supplies of all the goods the working class must offer, for practically nothing.
Why compare apples to oranges anyway, some people might try, not sure why. Don't get me started though, on perfect starlets or even homeschooling, you. Everything's exactly how I love it, all aligned and perfect, one day at a time.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Scientology
Funny the new habits I breed, based on this new participation in venture outward instead of in. Myself included. What, I always has to mean me? In which paradigm. Totally got you with that one, didn't me? Yup, totally.
No clue what I'm talking about even, mastered a whole new realm of just being. Yet to be released into public consumption, only the cowardly elite get first glance. And what elitist would ever admit to being cowardly, just I.
Shakin' in my boots even, but let me tell you why. Not sure I can even explain it, but I'll try. I always tend to, don't I? Except when I get lost in rhyme, and then I befriend the tangents, all mine.
No clue what I'm talking about even, mastered a whole new realm of just being. Yet to be released into public consumption, only the cowardly elite get first glance. And what elitist would ever admit to being cowardly, just I.
Shakin' in my boots even, but let me tell you why. Not sure I can even explain it, but I'll try. I always tend to, don't I? Except when I get lost in rhyme, and then I befriend the tangents, all mine.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Capturing Arrogance
It was a romantic little ditty based on the struggle I can't seem to escape, but in the end I captured it, quite the chase though.
Stay tuned.
Stay tuned.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Down the waterslide
Two full days left of luckzurious vakayshun, then we travel on backs to hicksville USA. Where gossip is bred on spools, and life's worn out on "hey did ya hear" and "WHAT did she say?" Could totally write an entire slanderous novel on that thread alone. Wonder if I could somehow figure a vindicated birth sister in. Um, "you betcha" sound true enough?
Got the idea from a movie I watched last night starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. Did you notice how Hugh's face is creased from his eyebrow to his chin, and that when he relaxes into certain expressions he looks as mediocre and average as, I don't know, a guy that's more likely himself. How do they DO that? And why, I always wonder.
For what purpose, you know? Plus, what's with the guitars hanging on the wall? Some kind of wishful, dreamy reminder of the day's important task (he's a songwriter)...or visions of another life, perhaps an icon of worship for a perfectly-pitched rock star. Who ever knows about these things, not I. Wouldn't even catch a "hmm, that's interesting" glimmer in my eye.
It would be a blank stare, purposefully sent inside myself and back where no one could see it, translate it, or copy it. Got to protect that. See, my soul's always journeying (it's one of my flaws) and if for ever a second my daimon gets caught deciding in each moment which is more important...gone, just like that.
Well, not just like that. Take this current challenge I'm facing, trust me, they'll never end. How to handle myself, maintain my spirit, and keep my principles in line...gonna test me like never ever before. I tend to like that. What else is life for, what's its purpose, and really honestly, can I still keep my integrity intact?
Fuck dignity, I'm all about wholeness now. See, still fast.
Got the idea from a movie I watched last night starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. Did you notice how Hugh's face is creased from his eyebrow to his chin, and that when he relaxes into certain expressions he looks as mediocre and average as, I don't know, a guy that's more likely himself. How do they DO that? And why, I always wonder.
For what purpose, you know? Plus, what's with the guitars hanging on the wall? Some kind of wishful, dreamy reminder of the day's important task (he's a songwriter)...or visions of another life, perhaps an icon of worship for a perfectly-pitched rock star. Who ever knows about these things, not I. Wouldn't even catch a "hmm, that's interesting" glimmer in my eye.
It would be a blank stare, purposefully sent inside myself and back where no one could see it, translate it, or copy it. Got to protect that. See, my soul's always journeying (it's one of my flaws) and if for ever a second my daimon gets caught deciding in each moment which is more important...gone, just like that.
Well, not just like that. Take this current challenge I'm facing, trust me, they'll never end. How to handle myself, maintain my spirit, and keep my principles in line...gonna test me like never ever before. I tend to like that. What else is life for, what's its purpose, and really honestly, can I still keep my integrity intact?
Fuck dignity, I'm all about wholeness now. See, still fast.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Knots
Untie me destiny, no wait, I'm trying to see. Hate it when luck steers you into the best shiatsu healer the Northwest Coast hides there, midback to the right of the spine, couldn't work it out. The healer or the knot, whatever. Reminds me of back in the day when energy medicine was a course I'd have taken, all those years back when I first became me.
Me, being mother. She's truly a master, the first of her kind. Only because, self-centered world I live in, where everything that occurs, well you get the picture...first of her kind. And behind my left lung where I keep all my secrets, I refused to let go, three more sessions I thought and that grief would be mine. Maybe next time.
Until then, I'm up wishing I was home now, believe it or not, homeschooling math. Actually laying in bed wondering about the systems we surrender our children to, imagining structure and teaching kids math. Conversing with all I hide deep inside, what is IN there? As if I don't know, when I so totally do. Fear is the way.
Me, being mother. She's truly a master, the first of her kind. Only because, self-centered world I live in, where everything that occurs, well you get the picture...first of her kind. And behind my left lung where I keep all my secrets, I refused to let go, three more sessions I thought and that grief would be mine. Maybe next time.
Until then, I'm up wishing I was home now, believe it or not, homeschooling math. Actually laying in bed wondering about the systems we surrender our children to, imagining structure and teaching kids math. Conversing with all I hide deep inside, what is IN there? As if I don't know, when I so totally do. Fear is the way.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Not a huge fan
Of the title, I'm meaning. Let's be obvious first...don't really like having oh no, no no no no as the title on my growingupartists sidebar. Of all the blogs I'm going to feature, I choose the one with all my favorite colors, and so in my quest for congruence, better spiff this betty up now.
Expect the tangent here, reliably. This one won't be painful I promise. Totally through that phase, c'mon, I'm an artist remember? And who am I if not one to move on completely (from old phase to knew), and never backwards. Trust me.
I'm complaining though, nothing new. Knew! How it works honey, first you don't know something, then, after contemplation and afterthought...fully cured as if you'd known the whole time. You never do, but with certainty comes the luxury of pretending you did.
To your own self. Who else is there to please?
Expect the tangent here, reliably. This one won't be painful I promise. Totally through that phase, c'mon, I'm an artist remember? And who am I if not one to move on completely (from old phase to knew), and never backwards. Trust me.
I'm complaining though, nothing new. Knew! How it works honey, first you don't know something, then, after contemplation and afterthought...fully cured as if you'd known the whole time. You never do, but with certainty comes the luxury of pretending you did.
To your own self. Who else is there to please?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Oh no, no no no no
Am I just defiant by nature, I can't believe that. No. Is it the equal and opposite reaction bound to happen when you spend ten years dedicated to dreaming inside the box... a perfectly well-constructed, and yes, gets better by the day so glad you asked, six-sided function? Of course not.
Men declared all beings are created equal, God has no time for that. What a wasted day this will be indeed. And, each animal was created for its own reason, unique and individual, not blends and automatic correlations. Seriously!
Must have been a defense mechanism, not mine obviously. What do I have to be immune against, besides other's challenges of my God-given and driven integrity? So glad you asked, but not really. Cute, though!
I have a huge day ahead of responsibility, and I'm going to spend all of it laughing, what choice do I have? None, apparently. Not when I'm just doing what I'm asked, just being who I am, despite my better plans. Of which I have many.
Men declared all beings are created equal, God has no time for that. What a wasted day this will be indeed. And, each animal was created for its own reason, unique and individual, not blends and automatic correlations. Seriously!
Must have been a defense mechanism, not mine obviously. What do I have to be immune against, besides other's challenges of my God-given and driven integrity? So glad you asked, but not really. Cute, though!
I have a huge day ahead of responsibility, and I'm going to spend all of it laughing, what choice do I have? None, apparently. Not when I'm just doing what I'm asked, just being who I am, despite my better plans. Of which I have many.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Congruence is...
a full-time job, without distraction, all the way back to who I was before. Old habits broken, zero responsibility for anyone's direction but my own. No good luck to share.
Stepping back into my old self, stuck forgiving my missteps and justifying my humanness, but letting it all go. None of it was worth it, can't remember, won't.
So strong once, absolutely sure in my steps, but now I've tripped, it's unforgivable. A decade of devotion to my principles, that pride was there for a reason, I deserved it, I earned it. Oh well.
I can only move forward and wonder how and why and for what purpose I'd do this to my own self. What a fool, a wrecked life, I've no compassion, I've run out.
Someday, maybe somehow, I'll earn back my whole.
Stepping back into my old self, stuck forgiving my missteps and justifying my humanness, but letting it all go. None of it was worth it, can't remember, won't.
So strong once, absolutely sure in my steps, but now I've tripped, it's unforgivable. A decade of devotion to my principles, that pride was there for a reason, I deserved it, I earned it. Oh well.
I can only move forward and wonder how and why and for what purpose I'd do this to my own self. What a fool, a wrecked life, I've no compassion, I've run out.
Someday, maybe somehow, I'll earn back my whole.
Monday, June 29, 2009
God's will and timing
It's all I'm about, nothing left to run from, not a place inside of myself that I fear to venture. It's only inside me, dreams of what's possible, explorations of infinity without judgment. It was the judgment that was the hardest part to overcome. I've only compassion left.
And full-truth be told, the compassion is only reminding myself that it's there in this instant. So, what's the compassion for? Well, it's for the difficult journeys some of us must go on to make ourselves whole. Everybody is different, but once you find the sureness that accompanies your own path, despite outside evidence, no matter false inklings, we must carry forth.
The soul won't stand for any less, it won't say, "okay, nice effort, I'll let you go". The one thing I've learned for sure as I read through CM's writings, is that once God decides, once He takes hold...there's little choice left but courage, and faith...and need for endurance.
I don't mind the difficulty of the travel, when I weigh it all out I've been through much worse. So, I'm just hanging on to God's will and timing as my guides, living my life as regularly as possible, still dreaming bold.
Not that I have any choice in the matter, believe me, I've tried. I've tried to let go, to force God to let go, but He has my soul. And I have faith, timing, courage, and will, among other things to explore. So, now you know, I intend to be whole.
And full-truth be told, the compassion is only reminding myself that it's there in this instant. So, what's the compassion for? Well, it's for the difficult journeys some of us must go on to make ourselves whole. Everybody is different, but once you find the sureness that accompanies your own path, despite outside evidence, no matter false inklings, we must carry forth.
The soul won't stand for any less, it won't say, "okay, nice effort, I'll let you go". The one thing I've learned for sure as I read through CM's writings, is that once God decides, once He takes hold...there's little choice left but courage, and faith...and need for endurance.
I don't mind the difficulty of the travel, when I weigh it all out I've been through much worse. So, I'm just hanging on to God's will and timing as my guides, living my life as regularly as possible, still dreaming bold.
Not that I have any choice in the matter, believe me, I've tried. I've tried to let go, to force God to let go, but He has my soul. And I have faith, timing, courage, and will, among other things to explore. So, now you know, I intend to be whole.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Among teachers
It was an unusual day, I have to say, a day dependent on faith and endurance. I arrived at the park this morning, and found myself surrounded by a population of white supremacists armed with sharp knives. I was in good company.
Now that I'm fully-pledged to embrace all my challenges, to find the learning in everything even when it's a struggle, I must admit that racial murderers are people too. Actually, don't be surprised when I say the park was filled with teachers, all friends of my friend, and none had knives. Some had juice boxes though, in many different flavors.
It left me sure that endurance will be needed in the coming days and weeks, as I buckle down and prove to my own self, among others, that I have yet to truly challenge myself to be the best homeschooler ever. Cause that's my goal, besides understanding my limitations better.
Homeschoolers and teachers are natural enemies, and it's so far only going to be weekly playdates that bond us together. But it's a huge undertaking for myself, and the average homeschooler, to find the bridge that must somewhere exist between those snotty know-it-alls and we mothers who are certainly failing our children.
See, I'm putting some of the fault on myself now, that's an improvement. I spent all of today working on unit studies, still love science, but my focus is going to be history. Wish me luck please, I'll be busy polishing my weaknesses, but depending on faith the whole entire way.
Now that I'm fully-pledged to embrace all my challenges, to find the learning in everything even when it's a struggle, I must admit that racial murderers are people too. Actually, don't be surprised when I say the park was filled with teachers, all friends of my friend, and none had knives. Some had juice boxes though, in many different flavors.
It left me sure that endurance will be needed in the coming days and weeks, as I buckle down and prove to my own self, among others, that I have yet to truly challenge myself to be the best homeschooler ever. Cause that's my goal, besides understanding my limitations better.
Homeschoolers and teachers are natural enemies, and it's so far only going to be weekly playdates that bond us together. But it's a huge undertaking for myself, and the average homeschooler, to find the bridge that must somewhere exist between those snotty know-it-alls and we mothers who are certainly failing our children.
See, I'm putting some of the fault on myself now, that's an improvement. I spent all of today working on unit studies, still love science, but my focus is going to be history. Wish me luck please, I'll be busy polishing my weaknesses, but depending on faith the whole entire way.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
It's complex
I think I found my missing lugnut, yup, the exact one. I can't believe I missed it mainly, tucked somewhere under a pile of guilt that was really just a complex. I left the "a" out of the title, is that going to be bothersome? Psychological jargon taints my thinking, so I thought I'd do myself a favor and call it "complex" as if it was complicated, when really it was just a mix up.
In my own thinking! Can you believe it? I'd categorize it as sabotage, but it was so well-intentioned I doubt you'd be able to tell the difference if I pointed it out to you. I'm so adorable, yes, that's the final outcome, I'm cute. Too cute, I'm so complicated, and funny.
There's my happy ending, I KNEW it!!! I thought, just be patient girl, you know you can do it. You always have. This one really had me stumped though, I'm saying that honestly. But when I got to its very bottom and saw exactly how it happened...oh my God. It's just too funny.
A glitch in the way I remembered something. It could have happened to anyone, well, anyone who's so sensitive, like me. I broke under the pressure, that's all it was, in my search. My search where I found myself. Thank goodness, that's forgivable, totally.
Yes, it WAS me. I can see.
In my own thinking! Can you believe it? I'd categorize it as sabotage, but it was so well-intentioned I doubt you'd be able to tell the difference if I pointed it out to you. I'm so adorable, yes, that's the final outcome, I'm cute. Too cute, I'm so complicated, and funny.
There's my happy ending, I KNEW it!!! I thought, just be patient girl, you know you can do it. You always have. This one really had me stumped though, I'm saying that honestly. But when I got to its very bottom and saw exactly how it happened...oh my God. It's just too funny.
A glitch in the way I remembered something. It could have happened to anyone, well, anyone who's so sensitive, like me. I broke under the pressure, that's all it was, in my search. My search where I found myself. Thank goodness, that's forgivable, totally.
Yes, it WAS me. I can see.
Friday, June 19, 2009
There is no competition II
There's no competition when everything's in alignment, no, I insist. I'd rather work energy than still misguided intentions, sorry, I'm just that kind of girl. And not that other kind. Be glad, because nobody should waste their time with somebody who's always thinking in two directions.
Feel honored, that if worse came to worse, which it wouldn't, you'd never find yourself insecurely dealing with somebody who's quite well-seasoned thinking in two directions. That could become addictive, and cause all sorts of other problems that have yet to be had.
I have no respect for people who think in two directions, no, none at all. Sorry. I'd rather be slapped in the face over and over and told "you're an idiot for not thinking in two directions", but I'd adapt to the torture, I wouldn't be sold.
G'head, teach me the lesson. You wouldn't, because now you know me better. Even now, when this post was supposed to be about alignment, and nothing else...I'm writing it, but I'm not thinking it. Because I'd never think it. I'm not that kind of girl.
Feel honored, that if worse came to worse, which it wouldn't, you'd never find yourself insecurely dealing with somebody who's quite well-seasoned thinking in two directions. That could become addictive, and cause all sorts of other problems that have yet to be had.
I have no respect for people who think in two directions, no, none at all. Sorry. I'd rather be slapped in the face over and over and told "you're an idiot for not thinking in two directions", but I'd adapt to the torture, I wouldn't be sold.
G'head, teach me the lesson. You wouldn't, because now you know me better. Even now, when this post was supposed to be about alignment, and nothing else...I'm writing it, but I'm not thinking it. Because I'd never think it. I'm not that kind of girl.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Echo, echo, echo
Good morning to myself, my day's wide open. Weather's fine, or so it seems, guess time will tell. Camp today for those who go, not everyone's interested. Cursive writing, and cartoon drawing are what we'll do, if we stay home. Kerplunk!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The art of compromise
I realized in the blink of an eye that compromise can have two different flavors. There's the compromise where you just didn't finish sorting through all of your options, so when the perfect solution lands on your plate, everything in your universe is back in rhythm. This type of compromise is not just a relief, it satisfies the soul on the deepest level because you feel as if you've been guided, and the stumble along the way was a necessary part of your growth.
The other type of compromise stands out in stark contrast, it probably leans more towards sacrifice, because the losses that are felt are not part of your growth. More likely, that type of compromise serves somebody else who is still growing, and the least you can do when you find yourself caught in an almost compromise of everything you value and believe in, is be grateful you can still feel the difference between the two.
Despite yesterday's shake-up, I am not putting both of my kids into public school, thankfully. Only my second born is perfectly-suited for the adventure, has been craving this type of stimulating challenge of his abilities, and good homeschooling parents welcome any opportunity to further strengthen their children. My oldest on the other hand, is intuitive like me, enjoys self-directed learning at home, and has been to school before. She chooses not to compromise her freedom and enjoyment of life as it is. I respect that.
This experience was necessary for my growth, entirely. It reinvigorated my summer teaching, now knowing precisely what my son needs to prepare to compete with his classmates, I'm on a directed mission. I look forward to his new habits structuring our September and onward, can already see the early breakfasts and discussions we'll share as the rest of the house slumbers through winter. Valuable, lasting memories will be made, and it's my son's intuition of his needs that has brought us here. I only listened.
I needed the invigoration as much as I needed the reminder that my life has never been about compromising anything I deeply care about and believe in. That walk in itself is what's produced all the fruit I see around me, a loving and connected family, a bright future that's secure because of the foundation I put all my faith in. It's what allows me to stumble and fall with my hope still intact, with full certainty that I'm supposed to be learning something when I fail, that I'd never just fall with no specific purpose to my landing.
It surprises me when I need reminding that to sacrifice my basic beliefs, my core strengths, the essence of who I am is NOT part of God's plan for my life, never has been. It was a wake up call worth having, to remember that all the gifts I've been given are for a reason bigger than I can sometimes see for myself. Even if that reason is as basic as knowing, or remembering, that it's right to celebrate our good values, without compromise. Now that I know the difference, can discern between the feelings of both, I'm set free. Never again will compromise put me last.
The other type of compromise stands out in stark contrast, it probably leans more towards sacrifice, because the losses that are felt are not part of your growth. More likely, that type of compromise serves somebody else who is still growing, and the least you can do when you find yourself caught in an almost compromise of everything you value and believe in, is be grateful you can still feel the difference between the two.
Despite yesterday's shake-up, I am not putting both of my kids into public school, thankfully. Only my second born is perfectly-suited for the adventure, has been craving this type of stimulating challenge of his abilities, and good homeschooling parents welcome any opportunity to further strengthen their children. My oldest on the other hand, is intuitive like me, enjoys self-directed learning at home, and has been to school before. She chooses not to compromise her freedom and enjoyment of life as it is. I respect that.
This experience was necessary for my growth, entirely. It reinvigorated my summer teaching, now knowing precisely what my son needs to prepare to compete with his classmates, I'm on a directed mission. I look forward to his new habits structuring our September and onward, can already see the early breakfasts and discussions we'll share as the rest of the house slumbers through winter. Valuable, lasting memories will be made, and it's my son's intuition of his needs that has brought us here. I only listened.
I needed the invigoration as much as I needed the reminder that my life has never been about compromising anything I deeply care about and believe in. That walk in itself is what's produced all the fruit I see around me, a loving and connected family, a bright future that's secure because of the foundation I put all my faith in. It's what allows me to stumble and fall with my hope still intact, with full certainty that I'm supposed to be learning something when I fail, that I'd never just fall with no specific purpose to my landing.
It surprises me when I need reminding that to sacrifice my basic beliefs, my core strengths, the essence of who I am is NOT part of God's plan for my life, never has been. It was a wake up call worth having, to remember that all the gifts I've been given are for a reason bigger than I can sometimes see for myself. Even if that reason is as basic as knowing, or remembering, that it's right to celebrate our good values, without compromise. Now that I know the difference, can discern between the feelings of both, I'm set free. Never again will compromise put me last.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Adorable depths
It must be some sort of dramatic exercise to explore all the ranges of being, probably knowing from years of experience that feelings are tools, but not the ultimate reality. Masters of destiny and imitators of character probably find it some mission to conquer and handle the ups and downs we create for distraction...
allowing for clearer distinction between those who can't live without cappuccinos and pedicures, and those whose bones rattle daily and jar in tune with compression blasts of missiles and mortars.
I'm not feeling patriotic today though. Only half-concerned for the direction our country is heading, this vacation is deserved, this space-to-think all worthwhile. Each time I get away from it all, and let the truth settle in, I'm clearer that I have less responsibility for any of the world's chaos and disorder. I'm slowly becoming part of the "really, there's nothing we can do about it" crowd.
Identifying with learned helplessness may be part of the journey, doubtful though. I've warded off such lazy thinking for too many years, but like Pavlov's dumb salivating dog, or that mouse in the maze with no actual cheese or good outcome...eventually, a surrendered heart is the only way to go.
Mice know this, dogs do too, probably even porcupines if you really sat down and thought about it. The faithful use of what we've been given, through God's will and not our own, is the only sure path to a compassionate supply of cheese. Ask Bertrand Russell.
allowing for clearer distinction between those who can't live without cappuccinos and pedicures, and those whose bones rattle daily and jar in tune with compression blasts of missiles and mortars.
I'm not feeling patriotic today though. Only half-concerned for the direction our country is heading, this vacation is deserved, this space-to-think all worthwhile. Each time I get away from it all, and let the truth settle in, I'm clearer that I have less responsibility for any of the world's chaos and disorder. I'm slowly becoming part of the "really, there's nothing we can do about it" crowd.
Identifying with learned helplessness may be part of the journey, doubtful though. I've warded off such lazy thinking for too many years, but like Pavlov's dumb salivating dog, or that mouse in the maze with no actual cheese or good outcome...eventually, a surrendered heart is the only way to go.
Mice know this, dogs do too, probably even porcupines if you really sat down and thought about it. The faithful use of what we've been given, through God's will and not our own, is the only sure path to a compassionate supply of cheese. Ask Bertrand Russell.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Could've been email
This blogpost should've been written in the form of an email, as part of an exchange that had been taking place over two months time, being honest. Good friends have no problem communicating through email, preferring it as the ideal means to clear up miscommunications, with skill and experience, eventually insuring they never even happen in the first place.
Damn, I wish this could've been said through email. When things aren't said through email, they end up in blogposts like these, which can be embarassing for all parties involved, especially the non-emailee. Oh, how I have wanted to clear up a few small details through email, instead of this being a blogpost, you see.
It will have to do, what choice am I given? Well, it depends how you look at it (saying this to myself, as if I'm emailing me). Dear self, you could have known me so much better, and honored all my particulars, but you didn't want to see. Not seeing served you better, and now I see more than you can see.
Seeing is better, it is. I do have compassion, I want to hearten and encourage, but in my way, the only way I know how. That was the original context of all the original emails that would've been written about honor and seeing and friendship. Had email been the path, allowed or considered, good friends we'd still be.
Damn, I wish this could've been said through email. When things aren't said through email, they end up in blogposts like these, which can be embarassing for all parties involved, especially the non-emailee. Oh, how I have wanted to clear up a few small details through email, instead of this being a blogpost, you see.
It will have to do, what choice am I given? Well, it depends how you look at it (saying this to myself, as if I'm emailing me). Dear self, you could have known me so much better, and honored all my particulars, but you didn't want to see. Not seeing served you better, and now I see more than you can see.
Seeing is better, it is. I do have compassion, I want to hearten and encourage, but in my way, the only way I know how. That was the original context of all the original emails that would've been written about honor and seeing and friendship. Had email been the path, allowed or considered, good friends we'd still be.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Writer's Block
I hate days like today, so filled with potential, yet all I want to do is be glued to my house. It's a boring thought in itself, mainly amplified by my lack of enthusiasm for everything that's important in my life, moving forward, being productive.
But, something inside me tells me to sit still, to stay glued. In a way, it's kind of like the new car blues, a year-and-a-half later your neighbor drives by in the latest model, and you're like, "I'm keepin my new-old car, but totally wishing I had yours now."
New-old car deals don't come with that warranty, and if they did, it's best for the wishful owner to sit in and drive around his new-old car alot more, and find peace with all the reasons the new-old car caught his impulsive eye in the first place.
And sit in that some more. There's nothing worse in the whole entire universe than the year-and-a-half later realization that your new-old car DOES NOT come with a special "works better if you just add this accessory" extras package.
In the end, it will only be an air freshener shaped like a tree or a lemon, and the scent won't last. You'll be buying extra accessories for the rest of your life at this rate. Totally a rip-off for all parties involved.
But, something inside me tells me to sit still, to stay glued. In a way, it's kind of like the new car blues, a year-and-a-half later your neighbor drives by in the latest model, and you're like, "I'm keepin my new-old car, but totally wishing I had yours now."
New-old car deals don't come with that warranty, and if they did, it's best for the wishful owner to sit in and drive around his new-old car alot more, and find peace with all the reasons the new-old car caught his impulsive eye in the first place.
And sit in that some more. There's nothing worse in the whole entire universe than the year-and-a-half later realization that your new-old car DOES NOT come with a special "works better if you just add this accessory" extras package.
In the end, it will only be an air freshener shaped like a tree or a lemon, and the scent won't last. You'll be buying extra accessories for the rest of your life at this rate. Totally a rip-off for all parties involved.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Oh me, oh my
I've gotten bit by the writing bug again. Was thinking of just doing a collection of poetry's greatest hits, but instead put a little star by them, will just keep them as favorites. Of which I have many.
I love this dusk-ish hour when you can sense the gray in the air, STILL can't justify turning the lamps on, but it's settled, because your whole entire summer is dedicated to the ritual of getting the kids to bed at an earlier hour.
Means storytimes will return, eyes will be forced closed while it's still light out. That laying down beside a breathing innocent, after repeating "bad dreams go away, good dreams come", will last as long as it needs to because there's no hurry.
I love summer, and breaking out of habits and rituals of winter, which should have been better, but oh well, they will be this year. And deliciousness in general, oh yes I do. Then, when autumn arrives you get to say "autumn" all the time instead of fall. Plus the leaves.
Great views I'd bet from different areas of good photographers' countries. I'd hope. Popcorn spilling everywhere now, gratuitous post of the evening granted. And god bless it all.
I love this dusk-ish hour when you can sense the gray in the air, STILL can't justify turning the lamps on, but it's settled, because your whole entire summer is dedicated to the ritual of getting the kids to bed at an earlier hour.
Means storytimes will return, eyes will be forced closed while it's still light out. That laying down beside a breathing innocent, after repeating "bad dreams go away, good dreams come", will last as long as it needs to because there's no hurry.
I love summer, and breaking out of habits and rituals of winter, which should have been better, but oh well, they will be this year. And deliciousness in general, oh yes I do. Then, when autumn arrives you get to say "autumn" all the time instead of fall. Plus the leaves.
Great views I'd bet from different areas of good photographers' countries. I'd hope. Popcorn spilling everywhere now, gratuitous post of the evening granted. And god bless it all.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Considering backwards
To me, that means being rigid in my views, not open. I want love, that's all I need. But, the round-about way to myself is equally interesting. Can't be in charge of the choosing.
Can totally be in charge of rambling nonsense though, definitely my expertise. Well, don't hate me, as I'm nobody's perfect. Perfect nothing to no one, and that's fine with me.
Maybe I'll give up bad prose for dumb poetry. Yes, that's starting to sound like a good idea as I type this, you never know how I'll feel tomorrow, don't trust me. Could be a John Mayer song, I think. Nah, not pitiful enough.
Lemme try again. Woe is me, nobody sees glee or understands me. Well, John...now that that's not true anymore, in fact fans are shouting from the rooftops that they love you. I can't even hear myself anymore, less need for any encouraging.
So what's left? An unemployed cheerleader with kids whining for ice cream. Gotta go meet some needs, and good luck with your preening.
Can totally be in charge of rambling nonsense though, definitely my expertise. Well, don't hate me, as I'm nobody's perfect. Perfect nothing to no one, and that's fine with me.
Maybe I'll give up bad prose for dumb poetry. Yes, that's starting to sound like a good idea as I type this, you never know how I'll feel tomorrow, don't trust me. Could be a John Mayer song, I think. Nah, not pitiful enough.
Lemme try again. Woe is me, nobody sees glee or understands me. Well, John...now that that's not true anymore, in fact fans are shouting from the rooftops that they love you. I can't even hear myself anymore, less need for any encouraging.
So what's left? An unemployed cheerleader with kids whining for ice cream. Gotta go meet some needs, and good luck with your preening.
Monday, June 1, 2009
My Wicked Ways
I love being 35 years old, mainly because it contrasts so nicely with age 23. Nothing against youth and its many life changing experiences, half of which I believe we'd be better prepared for if everyone homeschooled. Seriously, that bias will never go away.
For the first time in my life, beginning this morning, and definitely not all through last night, I feel REALLY proud to be age thirty-five. Nobody can take that away from me, although it sometimes seems a special hobby for some to try, it's impossible.
I hadn't realized until this morning in the shower, after my double Senseo which was good enough but not perfect, well, during my double Senseo, as I bring my coffees into the shower with me. It's a steam bath actually, mind your own business.
Mainly, I realized that I have so much work yet to do on myself, so many ties to examine more closely that have bound me for so long, that serve society, but not the individual OR the bigger picture. I've known this for a few months now, but believe I would have sensed it earlier had I been more honest. Had I at least tried to see.
I didn't try, and I wasn't honest, that fault lands entirely on me. I'm never going to be thirty-five again, for the rest of my dishonest life (still unconvinced whether truth even suits me), but I can count. At least I have that going for me.
For instance, double always means two, that should never confuse. And in the more sensitive liars, it's kind of wake-up-call news. Doesn't change a lick of my destiny, that's between me and God, always will be. It's my path, nobody else bears that responsibility, I'm thirty-five, done pretending I can't see.
For the first time in my life, beginning this morning, and definitely not all through last night, I feel REALLY proud to be age thirty-five. Nobody can take that away from me, although it sometimes seems a special hobby for some to try, it's impossible.
I hadn't realized until this morning in the shower, after my double Senseo which was good enough but not perfect, well, during my double Senseo, as I bring my coffees into the shower with me. It's a steam bath actually, mind your own business.
Mainly, I realized that I have so much work yet to do on myself, so many ties to examine more closely that have bound me for so long, that serve society, but not the individual OR the bigger picture. I've known this for a few months now, but believe I would have sensed it earlier had I been more honest. Had I at least tried to see.
I didn't try, and I wasn't honest, that fault lands entirely on me. I'm never going to be thirty-five again, for the rest of my dishonest life (still unconvinced whether truth even suits me), but I can count. At least I have that going for me.
For instance, double always means two, that should never confuse. And in the more sensitive liars, it's kind of wake-up-call news. Doesn't change a lick of my destiny, that's between me and God, always will be. It's my path, nobody else bears that responsibility, I'm thirty-five, done pretending I can't see.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Nothing worse than no surprises
A no surprise filled day is only surpassed by a no surprise filled perfect moment. There's no good explanation for no surprise filled perfect moments, because there are so many to choose from, that it only becomes more evident when none of the many are chosen.
A no surprise filled day is expected, kind of like fasting, here and there it makes you appreciate food more. And listen to its ingredients better, sometimes with fun visuals. Heart still breaks the same during both instances, but at least with a no surprise filled day, you somewhat deserve it.
Or need it. A no surprise filled perfect moment is inexcusable. Because the only answer to that is lowered expectations. No fun.
A no surprise filled day is expected, kind of like fasting, here and there it makes you appreciate food more. And listen to its ingredients better, sometimes with fun visuals. Heart still breaks the same during both instances, but at least with a no surprise filled day, you somewhat deserve it.
Or need it. A no surprise filled perfect moment is inexcusable. Because the only answer to that is lowered expectations. No fun.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Angry or dark
My choice, only artistic integrity at stake, not the real kind. Will last about, oh, three or four days before I decide life was once easier, why did I ever complain. Had everything I needed, I mean have. For a moment there I considered, I've got so many great principles I love my life by, I could sacrifice one or two, bigger picture.
But nah. Flying solo is for trained pilots, not average citizens who can't fathom why it's so hard to have a conversation. Why is it so hard to have a conversation? No one knows. Maybe somebody's standing on your head and you can't think straight, or won't. Not my business, never was mine.
Oh, trust me, I'll never pursue the dark arts again. Three times didn't end up being a charm, why invest in four. Okay, two days it is. I can't suffer like this anymore.
But nah. Flying solo is for trained pilots, not average citizens who can't fathom why it's so hard to have a conversation. Why is it so hard to have a conversation? No one knows. Maybe somebody's standing on your head and you can't think straight, or won't. Not my business, never was mine.
Oh, trust me, I'll never pursue the dark arts again. Three times didn't end up being a charm, why invest in four. Okay, two days it is. I can't suffer like this anymore.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I'm not at the park
One foot out the door, but I decided to empty a couple of baskets of laundry first, and of course, write a quick blog. I'm in a writing mood today, hate when that happens, because my thoughts aren't really organized enough to even be writing in the first place. And so, you get all my deepest feelings splattered everywhere, very unproductive if you ask me.
I like it best when I'm on top of my game, able to accomplish all I set out to, and pulling things out of my hat I didn't even know were in there. Those are my best days, and I haven't spring to excuse myself with this time. This time, it's the muggy weather, and the fact that I need to be at the park when instead, I'm here emptying a couple of baskets of laundry, and writing a quick blog.
Even my paragraphs are four lines instead of three, pre-posting. I'm a three lines pre-posting kind of girl, which ends up being four or five once published. Four lines will leave me with six, how annoying. Nothing more annoying to my own self than being wordy, instead of concise.
There, that was three. I like being concise about life in general...I study this, I think these, I am whatever. My best self is concise, so if ever you catch me being wordy, or splattering my feelings everywhere, it's unproductive in my opinion, and not my best me.
Not that there's not a time and a place for all of the above mentioned, the concise and the wordy, three-lined pre-posting paragraphs and four. I usually shy away from two lines pre-posting, not sure why. But, I'm going to the park right now, just happy to have three lines pre-posting again.
For me, it's the little things that count. Oh great, that's just one. Freakin out!
I like it best when I'm on top of my game, able to accomplish all I set out to, and pulling things out of my hat I didn't even know were in there. Those are my best days, and I haven't spring to excuse myself with this time. This time, it's the muggy weather, and the fact that I need to be at the park when instead, I'm here emptying a couple of baskets of laundry, and writing a quick blog.
Even my paragraphs are four lines instead of three, pre-posting. I'm a three lines pre-posting kind of girl, which ends up being four or five once published. Four lines will leave me with six, how annoying. Nothing more annoying to my own self than being wordy, instead of concise.
There, that was three. I like being concise about life in general...I study this, I think these, I am whatever. My best self is concise, so if ever you catch me being wordy, or splattering my feelings everywhere, it's unproductive in my opinion, and not my best me.
Not that there's not a time and a place for all of the above mentioned, the concise and the wordy, three-lined pre-posting paragraphs and four. I usually shy away from two lines pre-posting, not sure why. But, I'm going to the park right now, just happy to have three lines pre-posting again.
For me, it's the little things that count. Oh great, that's just one. Freakin out!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
301st post, without a character limit
Much better. Definitely transitioning, and not just because I'm saving the transcript. I like having the freedom to post whatever I want in my self-owned blogs. They're free, which only adds to the beauty, which there is much.
Blogging in a free blog without a character limit, meaning there is not a limit to either the number or number of characters. The characters as in letters, and the characters studied and portrayed here, because society is full of them. Characters.
But, until I write an actual book I won't need to care about the second kind of characters which is why I'm just focusing on the first, the number of characters allowed. It's just nice to know I have access to both kinds of characters, should the definition and use be entirely at my disposal.
Which it always will be I wanted to say at the end of the last paragraph, but chose not to. Why? Well, that's something you can only find out once you get to know me. Otherwise, you might copy my characterization of a well-written post.
Blogging in a free blog without a character limit, meaning there is not a limit to either the number or number of characters. The characters as in letters, and the characters studied and portrayed here, because society is full of them. Characters.
But, until I write an actual book I won't need to care about the second kind of characters which is why I'm just focusing on the first, the number of characters allowed. It's just nice to know I have access to both kinds of characters, should the definition and use be entirely at my disposal.
Which it always will be I wanted to say at the end of the last paragraph, but chose not to. Why? Well, that's something you can only find out once you get to know me. Otherwise, you might copy my characterization of a well-written post.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Dark Night of the Snow
I loved being a winter baby, at least I'd imagine now that I'm grown. Probably didn't make a difference back when I was zero, so long as my parents dressed me in warm enough clothes. Which they probably did. Yup, I'm sure they did, it gets cold in Chicago.
I like my birthday being in winter though, just three days after Christmas, so what that I get gypped on presents or can never really feel the New Year, I'm like three days ahead of even that goal. Birthdays are new beginnings, didn't you know?
Winter is the darkest time of the year, at least the 21st is. I suppose I'm a week after that, a week further in, a week of increasing light. I'm a week brighter than December 21st will ever be, the darkest and longest night. Light and dark are miracles, dont'cha think?
Sometimes light and dark are all we can depend on. Unless you're one of those balance junkies who prefers equinoxes over solstices. You know, March and September 21sts forever battling June and December for the championship? You decide.
Either you're lightest and darkest like me and my oldest, or holding the middle open for the rest of the year, more politer. I'd probably be an equinox girl like my youngest if I knew what was good for me. Perhaps in time.
For now, I embrace the darkness of my birthday month, my winter. Yes, I KNOW it's summer, please don't wake me up, I'm sleeping. In North America, not flipping the globe on you, call it Indian time if it makes someone feel better.
Could it really be that simple you ask, a life made of just light and darkness? Well, yeah! Our biology answers to nothing but "on" and "off" buttons, the moon and its cycles, you know how that goes.
Well, tune in. Choose light, but never fear the shadows.
I like my birthday being in winter though, just three days after Christmas, so what that I get gypped on presents or can never really feel the New Year, I'm like three days ahead of even that goal. Birthdays are new beginnings, didn't you know?
Winter is the darkest time of the year, at least the 21st is. I suppose I'm a week after that, a week further in, a week of increasing light. I'm a week brighter than December 21st will ever be, the darkest and longest night. Light and dark are miracles, dont'cha think?
Sometimes light and dark are all we can depend on. Unless you're one of those balance junkies who prefers equinoxes over solstices. You know, March and September 21sts forever battling June and December for the championship? You decide.
Either you're lightest and darkest like me and my oldest, or holding the middle open for the rest of the year, more politer. I'd probably be an equinox girl like my youngest if I knew what was good for me. Perhaps in time.
For now, I embrace the darkness of my birthday month, my winter. Yes, I KNOW it's summer, please don't wake me up, I'm sleeping. In North America, not flipping the globe on you, call it Indian time if it makes someone feel better.
Could it really be that simple you ask, a life made of just light and darkness? Well, yeah! Our biology answers to nothing but "on" and "off" buttons, the moon and its cycles, you know how that goes.
Well, tune in. Choose light, but never fear the shadows.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I guess black is the new green
I wanted to follow the rainbow, I did pretty good until this blog. The red may have been a tad lighter than usual, perhaps lacking oxygen, or would that be too much, oh two. Got orange covered, and yellow, but where's my dang green. No, I'm not going to go so far out of my way as to change the color of anymore of my blogs, green will have to invent itself, and decide where it will put it. Black will stay.
Green is my favorite color, well, some shades, and blue. But today, and tomorrow, and the weekend throughout Monday will have to do without green, hope that's okay with some of you. Doubtful I'll have the urge even then to change a single one of my blog colors, and for sure I won't be inventing one. Getting tired of my own self and my incessant blabbing about nothing for no one.
C'mon, 24 blog readers isn't an audience, even I have the self-deprecating humor to notice and admit to that. Not that I've ever strived for more, been one of those "why waste my time, if the payback's not worth it". Payback obviously not being readership, but actual fulfillment. Oh well, maybe next week, next month, or next Christmas. Green will decide to spare the time.
Green is my favorite color, well, some shades, and blue. But today, and tomorrow, and the weekend throughout Monday will have to do without green, hope that's okay with some of you. Doubtful I'll have the urge even then to change a single one of my blog colors, and for sure I won't be inventing one. Getting tired of my own self and my incessant blabbing about nothing for no one.
C'mon, 24 blog readers isn't an audience, even I have the self-deprecating humor to notice and admit to that. Not that I've ever strived for more, been one of those "why waste my time, if the payback's not worth it". Payback obviously not being readership, but actual fulfillment. Oh well, maybe next week, next month, or next Christmas. Green will decide to spare the time.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Medicines
There are only two medicines I know of that treat the burning heart, as caused by foods that for a million unknown reasons won't just be properly digested like they're told to. One, is to just sit with the pain, which inevitably leads to the eyes rolling back in the head, hence the reverie. The mind then starts to feel weak and floaty, and then one gets lost in dream.
Not a good place to be when the primary job is to function as a homemaker, wife, and teacher. The other medicine hasn't been invented yet, and like the diabetes cure, requires scientists and researchers to lay out their findings and decide which will create the best outcome, cost and efficiency-wise.
It's too bad when scientists invest in only parts, because it's the whole picture that allowed the burn to be available to sufferers everywhere in the first place. The whole entire picture that will continue to allow sufferers thereafter to suffer from indigestable food from that point forward.
Suffering from a burning heart is a lesson in disguise, it always is, but at this point I'm not going to take the easy out and say, "just have faith". Because while religion is a useful means of curing just about anything in this day and age, communicating about religion is as essential a part of the cure as anything.
Not a good place to be when the primary job is to function as a homemaker, wife, and teacher. The other medicine hasn't been invented yet, and like the diabetes cure, requires scientists and researchers to lay out their findings and decide which will create the best outcome, cost and efficiency-wise.
It's too bad when scientists invest in only parts, because it's the whole picture that allowed the burn to be available to sufferers everywhere in the first place. The whole entire picture that will continue to allow sufferers thereafter to suffer from indigestable food from that point forward.
Suffering from a burning heart is a lesson in disguise, it always is, but at this point I'm not going to take the easy out and say, "just have faith". Because while religion is a useful means of curing just about anything in this day and age, communicating about religion is as essential a part of the cure as anything.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Cabin
I probably won't be leaving until later this evening, and I think I'll be driving. Which is good for me, because then I can do my best thinking. I like driving and thinking, and hope I'm not thinking too deeply that I end up hitting a deer. Deer are prevalent during night driving, which is sometimes the reason we say, "let's just go tomorrow".
Speaking of going with the flow, I'm the master. I can't even count the number of times I've had all my hopes set on something, only to find my only choice to be going with the flow. I guess it's why I pride myself so much on not being a nag, so much to nag about, yet I don't. Why make somebody's job harder than it already is, I'm lucky to have nothing to do all day.
Ha, ha. That makes me laugh at the thought of it. Anyway, have you heard I'm feeling really inspired lately, I totally am. It's nice to feel my heart beat again, and not so hard to ignore the fact that it's been waiting very long through spring to find its rhythm again. I think during our math lessons, I'll be adding up all the springs I've been waiting through, for my heart to find its rhythm again. Too many to calculate on here, but oh well, not complaining.
Math will get plenty of time on Monday, believe me!! I love that I'm not a nag though, probably one of my better character strengths when I'm not confusing myself with all those silly fractions, which aren't actually that confusing once you buckle down and learn them. Well, until you get to infinity and actually imagine that infinity is possible, it tends to blow your mind away when you invest in infinity and realize what's possible.
And should never have been impossible in the first place. I think then, I'd like not nagging even more. When I wasn't loving the shit out of it. Infinity, not nagging.
Speaking of going with the flow, I'm the master. I can't even count the number of times I've had all my hopes set on something, only to find my only choice to be going with the flow. I guess it's why I pride myself so much on not being a nag, so much to nag about, yet I don't. Why make somebody's job harder than it already is, I'm lucky to have nothing to do all day.
Ha, ha. That makes me laugh at the thought of it. Anyway, have you heard I'm feeling really inspired lately, I totally am. It's nice to feel my heart beat again, and not so hard to ignore the fact that it's been waiting very long through spring to find its rhythm again. I think during our math lessons, I'll be adding up all the springs I've been waiting through, for my heart to find its rhythm again. Too many to calculate on here, but oh well, not complaining.
Math will get plenty of time on Monday, believe me!! I love that I'm not a nag though, probably one of my better character strengths when I'm not confusing myself with all those silly fractions, which aren't actually that confusing once you buckle down and learn them. Well, until you get to infinity and actually imagine that infinity is possible, it tends to blow your mind away when you invest in infinity and realize what's possible.
And should never have been impossible in the first place. I think then, I'd like not nagging even more. When I wasn't loving the shit out of it. Infinity, not nagging.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Why not go with black first today
Who needs to sit around learning all the time when they can simply sit there smiling. Not me. My kids have been begging me to take them to the park all day today, and I should've. Yet, I'm making too much progress to let pure joy deter me. It would've been so at the park, it always is. No concessions, that's for our fun at the pool this summer, and splash park. By then my camera will be all I ever need. Plus my family.
I love my camera-filled best summers ever. But now, despite my worn intentions, I have closets to clean, toy baskets to rearrange, and all the dust cleared I need to breathe deeply again.
I love my camera-filled best summers ever. But now, despite my worn intentions, I have closets to clean, toy baskets to rearrange, and all the dust cleared I need to breathe deeply again.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
These are Greek
Tele ~ far away; telescope (scope ~ watch, examine), telegraph (graph ~ write) -to send writing far away
Phono ~ sound, voice; phonograph (writes down sound), microphone (makes small sounds big), symphony (syn ~ with/together...make sound together)*
Peri ~ around, near; periodontics (dent ~ tooth), periscope (to look around objects), perimeter (to measure around)**
**Meter means measure XOXO
Phono ~ sound, voice; phonograph (writes down sound), microphone (makes small sounds big), symphony (syn ~ with/together...make sound together)*
Peri ~ around, near; periodontics (dent ~ tooth), periscope (to look around objects), perimeter (to measure around)**
**Meter means measure XOXO
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Kung Fu like that
Oh, totally what you're thinking. Yes, I'm Kung Fu like that. Only, best expressed through email instruction, 'cause everything I do is so graphic. Like an illustrator, only much more honest. So, I'm Kung Fu like that. What's that, you didn't expect it?
Well, I take my prose seriously, like some take their tea. Think lil miss Queen Olivia of La Mancha and such, would totally be offended by that? I'd hope, it fits me.
Well, I take my prose seriously, like some take their tea. Think lil miss Queen Olivia of La Mancha and such, would totally be offended by that? I'd hope, it fits me.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Write your own script
My pen just ran out of ink, hope that's okay. I'm typing on a Gateway, dreaming of more, but that's okay. I hope you don't mind that my pen's out of ink. It's better that way. Can't even find the address, where to send the lyrics. A fight with my whole love, no, won't happen a second time. Stimulus package, well the news still deserves my time.
The rest can have each other, and the end.
The rest can have each other, and the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
