Ode to my gerbil

There was something about the way you cocked your eye, up to the left, so confused. Not really confused, but enlightened, or simply making fun of it all. Adorable! Then, you hopped on your wheel and acted aloof, didn't know you had it in you, to act all aloof, I was won.

I didn't buy you in hopes of sitting by your cage all day and never cleaning it. I'm a cleaner by nature, I LOVE fresh smells, I don't know what came over me that day I let it all go to nature. My parents never intervened, never said, "hamsters, I said gerbil, but meant hamsters...need care."

So, I thought I'd do a little experiment, I'd just let it all go. Nature would take its course, right (I was young). The cage would clean itself, the hamsters would figure out how to empty the bedding of their vile content, and again with the exercise, they'd care for themselves.

I named them Marci and Beautiful, if you must know, my two hamsters. Like all of the worst decisions in my life, those names dropped into my mind from the sky. I'd had faith. I just thought, like I did in second grade when I was put in charge of "a newscast", I thought, if God wants me to win, if He wants to fill me up, He will.

He gave me those names and I used them. He didn't give me the newscast He was supposed to, instead He gave me beet red cheeks and insatiable laughter, and even though we all got 'F's', I felt I'd cheated the whole system and just followed Love.

If living on the edge ends up being wrong, if naming your hamsters the wrong names is something I'll end up paying for in hell, so be it. I live true, that's all I can say for myself, and without regret. When I stumble, and fall, it's worth it. More for confession.

I couldn't hold it back, not a speck of that hysterical enjoyment of all my hamsters had to offer. I let them die, they scratched each other to death, so I was more relieved when they finally DID die. I'd neglected them, untrained to care for small animals, I screwed up.

But, I learned never to buy hamsters again, especially not for my children. So it was worth it in the end.